FREE TO TATTOO:

Surrendering my creativity for His will, her freedom, and discovering my own.

You know what? I always knew I wanted to be an artist. But the ironic thing is, almost everyone else saw in me the potential of becoming a tattoo artist. Even back in high school, my friends would ask me to draw tattoos for them. And then they'd actually take those drawings into tattoo shops and have them tattooed. Quite a few of my friends encouraged me to pursue tattooing as a career.

My answer was basically, nah.

Not because I didn't like tattoos. I just never imagined that world was available to me. It seemed super foreign to me even though I had been dreaming of a dragon tattoo on my back since I was 16.

I share about where I have been and how art has always been a part of the journey in my most recent blog post I shared called, Free to Roar. There you can read about how I discovered graphic design and fine art. I've always loved creating imagery that communicates, solves problems, and serves a greater purpose. Something beyond just beauty. Something with weight and form. Yet somehow, even through designing websites and branding small businesses, tattooing followed me.

People continued to ask me to draw tattoo designs for them well into my thirties. And guess what? They were still bringing my drawings to tattoo shops. I'd always tell people though that the tattoo artist would have to make artistic changes to fit their skill, what works on skin, and what reflects them as an artist.

Apparently, the signs have been there all along. The clues have always been there. And you know what? Graphic design didn't lead me to tattooing. And neither did my own planning or thinking or ADHD brain that dreams up a business idea every 48 seconds.

It was honestly a calling that I never saw coming.
It was a path of surrender I never could have imagined.

Created to Create

I've known since I was six years old that I wanted to be an artist. I believe God planted that desire within me before I was even born. I always knew I was created to create. What I didn't know was how He would use it.

When I surrendered my life to Jesus, I surrendered my creativity to Him too. Not to stop creating, but to let Him determine its direction. And one of the very first arrows of instruction He gave me was to humble myself, move back to my parent’s house, and return to college for graphic design.

So I did.

Over the years, my creativity took many forms. Graphic design, illustration, fine art, ministry, painting murals, web design. The mediums changed. The assignments changed. But my desire remained the same.

To glorify God with the work of my hands.

I prayed and asked God to direct my creativity. And once again, His voice came like an arrow, straight to my heart. He was asking me to surrender my for-profit creative business, Anchor 13 Studio, and transition into nonprofit work, using the creative arts to support local anti-trafficking efforts.

So, I obeyed.

And while God opened some beautiful doors, I also found myself carrying a vision that was bigger than the support I had at that time.

I worked.
I created.
I served.
I led.
I kept trying to make it all happen.
I was stuck in striving.

And I burned out. Like seven times in a row. Burn out after burn out after burn out. With micro rests in between, thinking that was all I needed to get back on my feet. I was planted in soil that did not nourish me. I asked God for help. And He was beginning the process of uprooting me.

I wanted to obey God, but I was exhausted from trying to figure everything out myself. I had so much on my plate; raising a toddler, managing a home, cleaning, meals, appointments, meetings, a social life, church, anti-trafficking work, family activities, outreaches, design, part-time jobs, speaking engagements. You name it. I fought hard to find regulation through creating, hiking with my dog, and enjoying a quiet home when it was just me and my daughter.

And right in the middle of that exhaustion, God introduced an assignment I never saw coming.

Another Arrow - For Her Freedom

After a year of burn out and a brutal case of pneumonia, my body and immune system were screaming. I wanted to throw in the towel. I thought, this must be my thorn in the flesh. I have no energy. My body is weak. My thorn in the flesh is a frail immune system. Looking back, I can now recognize how dysregulated I was. I had been living in survival mode for so long that my efforts were being exerted from exhaustion and I was running on fumes.

As I had just recovered from pneumonia, my friend Steph Page invited me to speak at an event for her nonprofit, Stories Foundation. After I spoke, I listened to someone from the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension talk about trafficking investigations in the Twin Cities and the healing journeys of survivors they'd helped. They explained what a brand is (a tattoo received by force, fraud, or coercion, indicating ownership as a product or sellable goods). They also shared how this can be an expensive way to help these women heal, covering costs for airfare and for cost of the tattoo to be covered up.

And something pierced my heart.
Another arrow.

I knew that conviction. I'd experienced it before. But this time, my heart broke for women who had been marked by their traffickers as though they were products for sale. I remember thinking, why is no one locally doing something about this? And that’s when the assignment came. God was calling me to tattoo. To cover those brands. To use the very creative gifts He had given me to offer women an opportunity to reclaim something of their own.

My response?
God, that's impossible.

I don't know how to tattoo. I don't know who would teach me. I don't know how any of that would even happen. I don’t even know how to ask for a tattoo apprenticeship.

All I had to offer was a willing heart. A heart that desired to learn a craft I didn't know so I could serve women I cared deeply about. I didn't know where to begin. I honestly wondered if this was God’s craziest thing He has placed on my heart.

So I prayed. I asked Him to open the doors and if they were to close, that I would not allow man close them, but I would ask Him to create an end in the road Himself. If he would keep the doors open, I would continue on that path. For the first time, I told God yes to something I thought impossible. I wanted to follow His direction rather than force my own. I gave Him my yes, but I left the how in His hands.

God opened the doors.

Lady Liberty

Those doors led me to Lady Liberty Tattoo.

Can we just appreciate that name for a moment?

Lady Liberty.

I came into this industry with a heart for freedom, and God brought me to a tattoo shop bearing the name of freedom and justice. And she is beautiful. Every day I go to work, I get to sit under that name. I don't think I'll ever take it for granted.

It was through tattooing that I met my husband, CM Rutledge, owner of Lady Liberty Tattoo. He learned about my “why” and he believed in the mission and became my tattoo mentor. And let me tell you, learning to tattoo was hard. It was also really fun. And it kicked my ass. I'd spent years drawing and designing, but tattooing was an entirely different skill. Pulling a clean straight line was humbling enough. Then I tried a 3RL for the first time.

That'll humble you real quick.

I remember meeting the stencil maker and immediately feeling anxious because I already hated printers. I remember taking notes about where everything belonged on my tray, washing my hands more times than necessary because you just never knew, and practicing on fake skin while trying to get my hands to do what my brain already understood from years of drawing but then also at the same time totally undoing everything I understood about applying medium to a canvas.

There were frustrating days and plenty of mistakes. So many times, I'd watch CM tattoo and make it look effortless while I felt like I was holding my breath in my feeble attempts to learn. But there were victories, too. Tattooing myself. Tattooing my first client. Passing my biohazard test. Watching my lines improve. Learning to be patient enough to saturate color solidly. Slowly developing the confidence to do something that once felt completely foreign and impossible.

And eventually, I became a licensed tattoo artist.

I celebrated by buying my first tattoo machine with money I'd earned myself. I was proud of that.

COVER-UPS

But one of the most meaningful moments was getting to help with our very first survivor cover-up. I designed the artwork with CM, and through the support of Lady Liberty Tattoo, Anchor 13 Studio, generous donors, and partner organizations, we helped a woman transform a tattoo she never chose into something that carried an entirely new meaning.

And there I was. Actually doing the very thing God had placed on my heart!

Since then, I've had the privilege of covering tattoos tied to abuse, exploitation, and unwanted reminders of the past. I've covered brands connected to exploitation and cult abuse. I've helped men and women leave behind tattoos from old relationships and chapters of their lives they no longer wanted to carry on their skin. And I've gotten to hear what that freedom means to them and what skin redemption feels like.

One woman described feeling like her body finally reflected the freedom she already knew in her heart. Another told me her cover-up gave her power back.

That right there. That's why I said yes to God.

What once seemed impossible had become the work of my hands. And every time someone sits in my chair and chooses something new, I'm reminded of God's faithfulness and the doors He opened.

I came into the tattoo industry for her freedom.
And God opened the doors for my own.

The freedom to choose. The freedom to follow Christ without being ruled by fear or the expectations of others. And through those choices, the opportunity for healing to unfold.

The Work of My Hands

There's something deeply meaningful about earning a living through the work of my own hands. Not because money is the measure of success. It isn't. But because my time matters. My skill matters. My boundaries matter. And the gifts God has entrusted to me are worthy of being developed, stewarded, and honored.

I didn't always understand that.

For years, I thought that because God had given me artistic gifts, my responsibility was simply to give them away whenever someone asked.

But generosity without discernment can become obligation. And when I gave because I was afraid to say no, I wasn't always giving freely. Years later, I began recognizing what was underneath all that giving: a deep fear of rejection and a heart that genuinely wanted to make a positive impact on people. Quite the recipe. And it made listening for God’s direction a whole lot more complicated.

I was learning that having a gift doesn't mean everyone is entitled to unlimited access to it. Sometimes God leads me to give my work freely. I love that! It's part of the heart behind the survivor cover-up mission. Other times, He has given me the opportunity to earn an honest living through the same skills. Both can honor Him. I can honor others and I can honor myself – a vessel God created to love others through the work of my hands.

I've often looked at the apostle Paul as an example of someone who served God while earning a living through his trade. Paul made tents. And he graciously served God through ministry. I make art. And now, tattoos! And I graciously serve God through ministry.

I don't believe I have to abandon my profession of being an artist to be faithful to my ministry. And I don't have to abandon my ministry to earn a living. And with God-appointed support, both can be accomplished while maintaining home life, a family, regulation, health, and raising a daughter to be all who God has created her to be.

The shop and the nonprofit have developed a wonderful partnership, and I've had the privilege of doing survivor cover-ups alongside my husband, CM. He's been able to see firsthand what I was trying to explain when I first came to him with this vision.

God can move through tattoos, too.

And it was in the middle of all this, God wrote another part of the story I certainly hadn't planned. The best surprise gift of my life. My tattoo mentor became my husband. He's my life partner, my cheerleader, my best friend, my coworker, and my teammate. I get to work alongside him, learn from him, dream with him, and build a life with him. He is wise, and kind, and sweet, and funny. He is angsty. And I love all of him. I love pursuing God’s purpose with Him.

I admire him as an artist, too. I've watched the dedication and skill he brings to his work, and I hope to keep growing until maybe one day I'm as good as he is. I might not win as many trophies as he has, but I sure hope to make him proud.

I love illustrative work, black and gray, bright and vivid colors, the challenge of reworks and cover ups. I love drawing. I love getting to know my clients. I love meaningful work.

Whatever brings someone into my chair, I consider it an honor. Someone is trusting me to make a permanent difference on their body, and I want to honor that trust with my best work.

And I love tattooing beyond the cover-up mission. I have found my own freedom. I am so grateful I gave God my yes. I am so grateful His yes leads to freedom. Obedience to God is freedom. Putting anything above His command over your life leads to spiritual slavery and death. That is the cost of disobedience.

The Cost of Yes

But there is also a cost to obedience. Following this calling has taught me something about the cost of following Jesus.

For years, I'd used my artistic gifts to serve others. I genuinely loved helping people bring their ideas to life. I was an entrepreneur cheerleader. If you needed someone to believe in you, your idea, or your God-given dream, I was your girl.

I believed in everyone but myself.

So yeah, that recipe I mentioned earlier by now, concocted a problem. And I bet you could probably name it by now.

I was a people-pleaser who totally feared abandonment.

Not the cute, Oh, I just love making everyone happy kind. I genuinely loved serving others and bringing joy into their lives. But I was so afraid that disappointing people would lead to abandonment that I often said yes before stopping to ask God whether He was actually leading me to do it.

People-pleasing can become a spiritual graveyard. It can bury the gifts God has given you and silence the voice He's asking you to use, all because you're afraid of what someone might think if you actually answer His calling and it isn’t what they want or think you should do.

But tattooing was different.

I hadn't planned it. I hadn't dreamed it up. Yet somehow, it had followed me for decades. And just like every time I have heard His voice pierce my heart, I have given Him my yes and he directed my steps. When opposition came, He’d encourage me to continue on the path He has laid before me. I committed to walking through the doors only He could open. Everyone will have an opinion. But not everyone has God’s opinion of you in mind.

When you give God your full yes, you never truly know where He's going to lead you. What He'll uncover beneath the soil. What roots have wrapped themselves around things that were never meant to sustain you. If you follow Him, don’t be surpprised if He shakes out of your roots the things that get in the way. Changes out the soil or transplants you. Sometimes pruning even happens beneath the soil.

It was in my pursuit of advocating for her freedom, that I found my voice. It was through obedience to God’s commands over my life, that I truly became free.
Free to create and develop the gifts God has given me and allow their fruit to be seen without fear of the opinion of others.

And the freedom to heal. Not because freedom and healing are the same thing, but because freedom can make room for healing. And what a beautiful thing it is to see God use the work of our hands to reveal His redemptive work in us and through us.

And guess what? I’m not gonna stop tattooing until God himself closes the doors.

Tattooing wasn't another path I carved for myself. It was an invitation to finally stop carving the path I had been on and start following Him fully.

God knew how these things would come together long before I did.

I know His voice.
I gave Him my yes.
And I'm still choosing to follow, wherever He leads.

I am no longer root-bound in people-pleasing soil and I am in the midst of healing.

I AM FREE TO TATTOO.

Let God be glorified.